it seems that everywhere I go, there are conversations, songs, movies, images that trigger me out of nowhere. Some of the triggers, even someone with zero relation to adoption could identify why it might cause a sensitive moment, and other times I myself am surprised by the overwhelming rush of emotions.
Last night I was watching Anne with an E on Netflix. I grew up reading Anne of Green Gables, and watched the 1980's television mini-series with my adoptive mother. I loved everything about the character Anne. She was full of imagination, full of bravery and wasn't afraid to voice her opinion. The way she found beauty in people, searching for kindred spirits drew me to fall in love with Anne.
When Netflix announced a new Anne of Green Gables, I wasn't sure if anyone could take the place of the 80's actress, Megan Follows, but my love for the series allowed me to give the new version a chance. Let's just say I may have watched the entire first season within a few short days. I once again fell for the red headed, dramatic girl, with a wounded soul and the kindred spirit I needed growing up.
Last night while watching season 2, there is a scene where Anne has travelled with her bestfriend, Diana Barry, to another city to attend a party thrown by the wealthy aunt of Diana. When she returns home she is excited to share all of the details with Marilla and Matthew, the brother and sister who adopted her. As she sits at the foot of the bed ready to spill it all with Marilla, this is where I surprisingly had a wave of emotions wash over me. Before Anne can get one word out about all of the glorious details of the extravagant party, Marilla simply says, "oh Anne, I've missed you." It was Anne's honest response that made me weep. In three words, she rocked me to the core. She replied " you missed me"? It sounds silly doesn't it? That such a basic response could leave me choking on my tears. Her facial expressions, her tone of voice, said it all. She wasn't certain she was worth being missed. Had she ever known anyone to truly miss her presence?
There's so much about Anne, that hits my own understanding about myself. I adore how she perseveres through life's ups and down, and always looks for the beauty even in the midst of pain. She makes others feel confident in her admiration of them, and at the same time can feel clouded with the thoughts she holds for herself. Orphaned early in life, bounced around from foster homes, vulnerable and abused at a young age, and over looked because of her sex and physical features, Anne says " It was a very lonely place, I am sure I never could have lived there if I hadn't an imagination." Oh my goodness, Anne! Me too! I too had imaginary friends and a wild, and vivid imagination. I thought Madonna was my mother, after all.
" You missed me?" Beautiful, daring, Anne with an E....you get me. You understand craving connection. You understand that longing to be loved, cherished, and not forgotten. You didn't just want kindred spirits, YOU NEEDED THEM. Me too! Me too!