I'm not sure if I am the only adopted person who has thought about the comparisons of pet adoption and human adoption, but I think about it at any rate. My husband and I have adopted two rescue dogs from our local shelter. Cleo, our black Labrador Retriever went to doggy heaven a year ago and was 17 years old at her passing. Bella, our Westie is 9 years old. They have brought our family so much joy, and we consider them our family.
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Now as much as we love our pets my extended adoptive family takes it to a new level. My parents at one time had five dogs, which they affectionately call their babies. When one of them passed away a few years ago, my parents fell into a heavy depression and my dad would say things like " I have nothing to live for." He was put on medication and seemed to better adjust. This hurt so badly to know that we were not as important or even more important. What about your daughters? your wife? Your amazing, and beautiful grandbabies? My father has opened up in the past that he felt like he had an unhappy upbringing and zero good childhood memories. I now understand that my fathers reactions are a mental health issue, and stem from the thoughts that he truly believes that no one can love you like a dog loves you. A dogs love is unconditional. When my father comes to my house the first thing he says, is "where are my babies?" He's referring to my dogs, and not my children. They moved to Florida, 1,180 miles away and maybe see their grandchildren once or twice a year, and my dogs get his love and attention first. The last time he came to visit he asked if I could drive his to the store so he could buy a special gift for his grand dog. It makes me want to scream.
​They are not the only ones in my family who seem to have an unhealthy relationship with dogs...meaning I believe they also share the beliefs that a humans love cannot compare to the love from our pets. Once again, I LOVE my dogs. I even adore them, BUT I also adore people. It's a subject that makes me feel like a big outsider in my family.

​Quite honestly it also bothers me that people seem to be more upset by unethical dog adoptions, than they are human beings. The following list details pet adoption ethics.

* by law puppies must stay with mother at least 8 weeks to avoid social and emotional distress and trauma ​Often times babies are adopted at birth and papers often signed while the mother is still recovering. People deny that those adopted suffer trauma from being separated from their mother and family.
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* You must be able to provide the time and money necessary to provide training, medical treatment and proper care for the animal. ​What if when babies were adopted, part of the signed documents were a promise and dedication for adoptees mental health? Lifetime counseling?

​* Pets are not gifts They are living, breathing beings. ​And yet we tell adopted humans they are a gift, and not very many people seem to be educated or care about the rehoming of humans.

​* ​So many speak up about cruelty to animals. ​And yet never say a word, or make a facebook statement about cruelty to humans.

* They say adopt, don't shop. ​We spend thousands of dollars on adopting humans.

​I love animals, BUT I also love humans. If I were to speak out about any of these subject regarding animals, I guarantee I would find a large number of those who support these issues. When I speak up about being adopted, I'm told to get over it, move on, and you should just be grateful. I cannot even imagine the backlash of someone mistreating a dog, and the response being " well the dog should just be grateful it wasn't euthanized. The dog should just be grateful even if it struggled. Gasp!! The horror!!

​Sometimes I hug my dog ( she's not a hugger, it makes her highly uncomfortable) and I look into her big puppy eyes, and I tell her I missed my mom too. I bet you got all of your cuteness from your mama. I bet she misses you everyday, and if we could have brought her home also, we would have.
​They say that some people are born a little broken. Maybe my dad felt this way, that somethings needed fixing within him. I sometimes wonder if they thought I could fix some broken things like a marriage, a need to be loved, infertility. A baby to fill holes and broken hearts. In Glennon Doyle's book, Carry On Warrior, she says:
​If there's a silver lining to the hole, here it is: the unfillable, God-sized hole is what brings people together. I've never made a friend by bragging about my strengths, but I've made countless by sharing my weakness, my emptiness, and my life as-a-wild-goose-chase-to-find-the-unfindable. Maybe because other people are the closest we get to God on this side. So when we use them to find God in each other we become holy.

​​I cannot fix, a baby cannot fix, even a pet cannot fix what needs to be healed, but we can heal what needs to be fixed by going straight to where it hurts. Go straight to the fire, and determine what caused the burn, and know that our loved ones may not be able to fill our holes, but they can hold our hand/ paw through the journey.

Many times when I share that I am adopted, this crazy diarrhea of the mouth thing happens to the person I'm talking to. It's as if they need to fill the space of being uncomfortable. They say things like, "wow, you're so lucky"  " I wish I were adopted"  " aren't you glad you weren't aborted"  " I have a friend, of a friend, of a cousin once removed who's adopted, so I'm basically an expert on adoption"  
​The list could go on, on. There are ones that cut deeper than others and the one that really hits me in the gut is the story the church tells of adoption. 
​Me: I'm adopted
​Non Adopted person in conversation: Oh, that's wonderful, we are ALL adopted through Christ

​Wait what? So you are telling me that you and I are the same. You know exactly how it feels to be adopted? I'm so terribly confused and if I'm honest angry because NO....no no no not the same. I think people who love us want so badly to say the right thing and make us feel like we are not alone. Its like when someone dies and they are told " God must have needed them more." Diarrhea of the mouth wanting to fix and justify. God doesn't take our loved ones because He needed them more. 
​Telling an adopted person, we are ALL adopted through Christ, as if that's the same thing....as if spiritual adoption and adoption realities are the same feels like I have cancer. When I share my cancer scars, treatments, fears, pain, triumphs, battle wounds and someone with zero cancer in their body comes in with a chipper grin and declares WE ALL HAVE CANCER. We who actually have the lived experience, are like what on earth are you talking about.
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There is a difference between a spiritual adoption and modern day adoption. 
​Let's look at the context of the word adoption used in the Bible The word adoption in the New Testament is translated from the Greek word huiothesia, which means the placing of an adult son and refers to the formal act of recognizing the maturity of an adult son. So at this time it would be considered a right of passage and the word huiothesia would bring to mind the ceremony of toga virilis, in which a fourteen year old boy would go through a ceremony with the adult male members of his family. During the ceremony the boy would take off his garments and they would be replaced with the toga virilis "the robe of man." At this milestone in the boys life he has now transitioned from boy to man. He could now conduct business in his own name, buy and sell property, marry, could vote in the Assembly.
​When God calls us adopted as sons through Jesus Christ we are promised we are loved, desired, belong. Each of us are created with a need for love and affirmation. He promises that although life may throw challenges, detours, and heartache....His love is the love of a Good, Good Father. It means you always have a place to go back to....there's no place like home.
​Often times the Bible and "God's plan" is used to create a fairytale script about adoption as if God has been using a fairytale wand and granting those desiring too be parents with a child, but zero explanation or even a care for the amputation of mother and child.

​They say Jesus was adopted! Yet Jesus was raised by his mother and God never abandoned his role of Father? Mary was never shamed or coerced to give up her baby. 

They say well Moses was adopted! Moses' birth mother "makes an adoption plan" ( remember there were no adoption papers, lawyers, money exchanged), when the king of Egypt institutes his version of ethnic cleansing. "​Every boy that is born, drown him in the Nile" Exodus 1:22 The Message.​ Tell me what would you do? Jochebed was a brave mother, and it is not very often we hear her name when we speak of adoption. She places him in a basket and sends her young daughter Miriam as a lookout. She didn't abandon her motherly instincts of protecting her child. As the story goes the Pharaohs daughter adopts Moses and when biological little sister approaches she hires Jochebed to nurse the infant. And we later find out that Moses found his birth family, reunited, and destroyed his adoptive family home. Modern day adoptees would be labeled angry and told I'm sorry you just had a bad experience.

​The really crazy thing myself and others who wrestle with the Biblical truth of what the world tell us the Bible says about adoption, is that we are all searching for that Bible verse that says take the child and forget the mother. In fact the verses I read say to help Widows and Orphans. The word adoption is found 5 times in the Bible.​ Of course we understand that there is a need for those to love and care for orphans as your own when there is abuse and neglect. Sometimes mothers don't want to mother, but the church should not be preaching that if you are unwed, young, struggle with drugs. you are poor that you are unworthy of getting help and care. It shouldn't be preaching that those waiting are entitled to your baby. Our modern day churches have taken adoption into their own translation and it says God cares for those who are infertile, but not the mother and child. We have created God's plan in adoption in our image and desires. How does care for the widow and orphan translate to paying thousands of dollars, forgetting about the mother, and getting what you want....a baby? This is an unpopular view to speak out loud, and as I type I think of those waiting, yearning, desperate and prayerful. That breaks my heart. Life would be easier with a God with a magic wand. We would never know our side of the pain of being abandoned or in the dark waiting. I'm not certain I will ever fully understand. That is the beauty in faith, because if I didn't question, if I didn't wrestle, if I had God all figured out I wouldn't need God. I do....I need God. Everyday I need him and declare Thank you! You're a Good, Good Father!

I thought about my mother my entire life. So many dreams, expectations, fantasies, and also worries that she would never want to know me. Two years ago, when my search began, I will never forget staring at her photo on Facebook, and examining every bit of her face searching to find bits of me. Could this be her? I stared at her smile, her hairline, the way the light met her eyes and even though now it seems obvious, I second guessed myself. Could I even recognize my own mother if I saw her face in a crowd? After getting second opinions from my husband and my bestfriends I became more confident that it really could be her and sent my letter off. This letter was one of the hardest things I ever have put pen to paper.  I carefully chose my words. Sound loving, but not over the top. Do not scare her away whatever you do, If I were a secret she would rather not resurface, let her know I just want some answers. What if she thought I was interrupting her life, wanted to write my way into her will, or I needed a kidney? Keep it simple with the perfect amount of emotion. Not too much, and not too little. If the answer is rejection, do not leave a phone number...just an email. Protect yourself.
​I know why I felt like I needed to tiptoe through this mine field, but if I knew then what I know now I would have been reckless with my heart. I would have told her how my heart wasn't whole without her. I wouldn't have said " I'm just looking for information." What a false statement! I should have shouted from the rooftop that I wanted a relationship with her and make her know for certain my love for her.
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It was her! What seemed like eternity for a reply, in actuality was just a few weeks. She had never told her three grown sons about me, so she needed time to break the news to them all. I will never in my life forget the anxiety and fears rushing in my head as I dialed her number for that first phone conversation. Will she like me? What on earth will we talk about? What if she doesn't really want to know me? Was I ruining her life by reentering 40 years later? Maybe she would rather sweep it all under the rug, and call it good?
​The honeymoon period began. We had polite conversations over the phone and got to know each other on the surface. I was craving more. I wanted all of the answers, I wanted to know I was missed. I needed to know I mattered and I wanted every bit of every detail. We talked about the weather and a lot about her kids. Why didn't she ask about my family? My childhood? My feelings? Dang it! Ask about me.
​A reunion was planned and it was one of the best and most difficult times of my entire life. They had the video camera rolling for the first embrace. They threw me a birthday party with cake and balloons for all of the birthdays missed. There were " It's a Girl" signs hanging, as if they had all held their breath waiting for Baby Girl to return. It was beautiful, joyful, overwhelming, draining.....all of the things. Its a total mind %$#* to feel so happy to have my mother I yearned for back in my life, and to also accept that we were strangers.
​I thought finding the missing pieces to my puzzle would help me release the anger of being adopted. And yet I still find myself floating between belonging and lost. I find myself angry that it took me 40 years to discover who I was and where I came from. Forty years lost that can never be returned. It makes me feel guilt that I'm not content with the story of being chosen, lucky and loved. Angry that the world believed I would never be affected by the loss of my first family. I was "touched by adoption" and it just keeps slapping me in the face.
​I've waited my whole life to have my mother back, and even when its hard and I am afraid, I will always choose to be a part of her life ( and I will walk on eggshells hoping she wants to stay in my life)
A Thousand Years
Christina PerriHeart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more