They say adoption rocks, and no matter how many times I read it, it feels like I swallowed a rock. No matter how many times I say I understand where you are coming from, I hear you, you love your child. You've waited and prayed so long for this child. Being a family at last rocks, and you want to shout it from the roof tops. I get it. I hear you. And yet you continue to not hear me. When I tell you I love my family, but I ached for my mother and thought there must have been something wrong with me. That didn't rock. Making up stories in your head of what your own mother and father looks like, why they gave you to strangers, wondering if you'll ever know any answers to the million questions you have floating in your child-mind. Its a lonely feeling, and it didn't rock. Searching for love in any way shape and form as a teenager is sad, gosh its so sad and it certainly didn't rock.
I look at this photo, and I think maybe those rocks are what get in our way of being fully known, fully seen, and fully loved. The things that hinder our hearts, minds and souls. Its the expectations slung at us that adoption is only beautiful. You should feel nothing but grateful and an attitude of being lucky. Adoptive parents know it doesn't always rock....they know. The countless hours of worry, paperwork, praying you are doing the right, ethical thing, Be honest, its hard, and maybe even right now you are thinking I don't like this girl. I like my rocks. I like to be comfortable. The rocks you are throwing out there are these Pinterest perfect version of the expectations of what an adoptive mama looks like. Let them go.
Can you imagine if we had this collective rock chucking party? Hey you pretty adoptee.... I see you. Pick up that rock that says you are not worthy of love and understanding and chuck it with a good ole' primal roar. Sweet adoptive mama who desperately wants to get it right,,,, I see you.....I could weep because I'm so thankful for you. See that rock there that says everything has to be beautiful, perfect, and you are in control? Pick that sucker up and chuck it so far. You want to scream? Do it! Oh dear birthmama....I see you. I see the amour you put on to protect your head and heart. That big rock there that says you have to be brave and unselfish. It's heavy, but pick it up and toss it. you don't have to carry that anymore.
So one by one they tossed their rocks, and the water flowed.
They tossed their expectations and the grace flowed.
They tossed their shame and vulnerability flowed.
They tossed their fears and they found their brave..oh how it flowed.
They tossed control and faith flowed into the crevices.
They tossed their hurt and wounds and love overflowed.
And guess what? When they tossed their rocks there was this magnificently, beautiful ripple that appeared in the water that flowed. Be the ripple, not the rock.
Let it flow. Let it go. Let it flow
So does adoption rock? I'm chucking that rock, and I'm asking you to join me. Your family rocks. Forget about the followers, the pinterest worthy statuses
When we know better, we do better.